We have small talk down to a fine art, and observations about the weather are practically a national pastime. Talk to us about sex and our bodies however, and we tend to change the subject, or walk away. Yet, a healthy attitude towards our bodies, sex and sexuality is something which, ideally, should be fostered in childhood. To help parents get it right, here are some tips...
Starting young is normal
One thing to bear in mind is children are aware of and quite interested in their privates at a very early age — they play with themselves. For them, it's more about sensual exploration than in a sexual sense. Awareness about sex, however, can occur a lot younger than we think. Children are becoming more aware of things on TV and social media. We live in a sexualised society, so for them, it is a gradual realisation.
Nicknames, or calling a spade a spade?
As for being euphemistic about genitals or using nicknames for them, each parent w ill have a different view and that's OK. Personally, if we can use the correct anatomical names without embarrassment, our children will feel it's not anything shameful or taboo. The more they see sex and their bodies are normal, the more they will feel like they can come and talk to you about issues or questions they may have.
In the long run
The positive psychological effects of being open about sex with our children are lots. In a practical sense, the more forthcoming we are, the less likely our children are to go through unwanted pregnancies or experience STIs, and they actually wait a little longer before having their first sexual partner. Taking away a sense of shame and wrongness can help their self-esteem, making them confident in their bodies. But, there is pressure on parents. It can be very scary having the 'big chat'. Yet, it needn't be just one discussion which crams everything in, it's about having a lot of discussions, an ongoing discourse.< /p>
Getting flustered
One crucial thing to remember is that children will instantly tell if a parent is struggling or feeling acutely embarrassed. So, find a language which feels comfortable for you, while being as accurate as possible and appropriate to them.
Sex is also about context, not just biology
With older children, think about how sex fits into relationships. Sex education in this country is more about biology than context. The more you can talk to adolescents about boundaries, love and relationships, the greater chance they have of developing a healthy outlook.
Girl talk and boy chat
When these discussions occur, we should not be tailoring them to our sons and daughters. Girls and periods, boys and wet dreams, if we modify what we say according our child's gender, then everything gets cloaked in mystery, which isn't very helpful. Additionally, when talks about sex can be tied in with context, issu es like consent should be broached with both boys and girls.
I've messed up/ it feels too soon
Don't put too much pressure on yourself. If you feel like you've made a mess of it, just go back and do it again. Vocabulary to avoid When we feel uncomfortable, we rely on obscure words and metaphors. Think about why you feel uncomfortable. Needless to say, any words or terms with negative connotations are to be avoided, as in the long run, these can lead to children feeling ashamed and dirty.
There are lots of different types of relationship, not just heterosexual ones
When talking about sex, the focus is often just on heterosexual relationships. But the more we can bring the in the idea of lots of different types of parents, families and relationships, the more they'renormalised.
And remember
There is help at hand! Read through books and chat with other parents in a group to derive ideas.
(By Daily Mirror)
Source → Tips to keep in mind while explaining the birds and bees to your children
