4 tips to better interpersonal skills in the workplace

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Q: I am a legal editor, and I believe that I am very good at my job. The only problem that I have is that I always seem to rub people the wrong way. I try to be friendly, but I know I come off crabby, and I've heard people say that I'm arrogant. I'm not at all. I'm just uncomfortable with people. This worries me because I don't think I'll ever move up within my organization. What can I do to show that I'm a team player?

A: Very few people are born knowing how to relate well to others. We learn throughout our childhood how to get along with people, which is something we call "people skills." Rest assured that you could indeed develop these skills. Start with the basics and you'll see some quick progress:

1. Smile. This seems very simple, but it's amazing how people's moods and words are misjudged because they look too serious. A smile shows that you like yourself, you like your current place in the world, and you're happy with the people you're interacting with. No one will say you're crabby if you're smiling.

2. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Often when we're nervous talking to other people, we hide it by talking incessantly about ourselves. People interpret this as being arrogant. However, if you want to develop your people skills, you really don't have to say much at all. Ask an open-ended question and let the other person begin talking. Look them in the eye, nod your head, say "uh huh" a few times and suddenly you'll find you're popular.

3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. You can never say someone's name too much. In fact, this is the secret to convincing people you aren't arrogant. If you are constantly using others' names as you talk, they will know you care enough to remember this important fact about them. They also will know you are thinking about them first and yourself second.

4. Every time a person begins talking to you, look them in the eye and smile first then get on with the conversation. Also, when you enter a room for a meeting, smile and look around at everyone. If you want to start talking to one person — or even a group — come up to them and smile. Finally, practice smiling during routine tasks, walking to your car after work or working at your computer. Pretty soon it will be second nature.

These are just a few ideas to get you off to a good start. Try them and you'll be getting along with your co-workers in no time.

Wes Atwood is president of Dale Carnegie Training of South Texas, which includes Corpus Christi, Laredo and the Rio Grande Valley. For more tips visit corpuschristi.dalecarnegie.com.